rip|TEAM

The start-finish line is situated right outside the TG studio, meaning your getaway is in full view of the cameras… and Jeremy. Load up the revs and drop the clutch in a puff of tyre smoke and you'll look like a hero: stall it and you'll look like a tit.

Either way, you'd better get the power down quickly before you hit the Crooner Curves, a tricky, fast left-hander with two apexes and a devilish camber.

Chicago is up next: round the right-hand side of the tyre wall and into a steady-state right-hander. This corner tests just how well-balanced a car is as it loads up on the outside tyres, but it has foxed the odd celebrity - most memorably Billie Piper, who completely lost her way. Bless.

    Watch out for the Follow Through - so called because you just might if you take it flat out...'

Foot down and up to the end of the runway, where the Hammerhead lurks. A tricky left-right that weeds out the understeerers, it's a scary name and an even scarier corner. Overcook the entry and there's a couple of acres of thick Surrey bracken to negotiate your way out of. Not good for the lap time, that.

Out of the Hammerhead - where the Koeniggsegg CCXR got tyre-hungry before we fitted it with a new wing - and into the Follow Through. So called because you just might if you take it flat out, it's the fastest corner on the circuit. Tyre wall on the right, verge on the left, and just enough room to squeeze through slightly sideways.

Now you're back on the runway, hitting fourth if you've got the exit from the Follow Through right. Down to Bacharach - a soothing name, but a tricky, high-speed left-hander. Designed to test brake balance, it rewards those late on the anchors. Not too late, mind, or you'll be on the verge.

Bacharach successfully negotiated, there's just one corner left: Gambon. This was originally called Carpenters Corner - whether after the woodcutting occupation or the 1970s band has become lost in time - but was hastily renamed after Sir Michael drove it on two wheels in a jacket and tie. Genuine class.

Flat out and it's back across the start-finish line. The lap time? Hopefully somewhere north of Richard Whiteley's heroic 2:06 in the original Reasonably Priced Car, but if you're closing in on the Renault F1 car's sub-one minute time, things are going well.

And just remember: however well you reckon you're doing, it'll still be slower than the Stig. Sorry.